I find as the years go by that I have fewer and fewer patience. I have two pretty good ideas when it happened. When I had Leo I still had all the patience in the world. If he had little meltdown, it was no biggie I knew what to do. I actually have a video of us on a plane to Florida and Leo is restless and upset and I had a smile on my face.
When two kids are in the picture it's a different story. At least it is for me. Add to that the fact that they are only 20 months apart and you've go a whole new ball game. As my kids get older, they become more independent. More vocal. More demanding. And I'm constantly trying to figure out how to deal with it. I had a completely different upbringing than the one we're providing for our kids so it's all been an ongoing learning process (which it is for everyone, I know this...).
I get asked all the time how they play together and my answer is that they play really well together. They also fight really well together. I find the fighting so stressful sometimes, but I remember fighting with my sister. We'd throw things at each other! We'd sit on each other!
It's all coming back to me now...
Anyway when the high stress levels come into play, staying patient and calm is very tough for me. This is due to my need to control a situation (I am the oldest of three girls after all! ;)). I asked my friend the other day, who has three kids, where I can buy some patience. She said that you have to pretend. Only pretending takes patience too.
One day we had had a pretty stressful week and I just got down on the ground and sat at their level. I watched them. We played. We hugged. We laughed. There was no stress.
Every time I get down to their level it's like the stress melts away. They don't see a giant (ha!) looking down on them. They see their momma down on the ground looking at them and they love it. They respond well to it. I just have to remember this and keep doing it.
Tell me... are you a patient person? How do you deal with stress?
there is never enough patience - they know your breaking point to the 10th decimal, and they will push you there...even if you started out a saint! Anyways, I am quick to separate the boys when they wrestle (they hate this) and quick to take whatever item away they are fighting over (neither gets it, they hate this, so unfair) mostly because it has helped reduce the incidence of both. I'm not mean...it's just if I say "i will take it away if you dont simmer"... then I take it away, I don't seem to bubble over with whatever that emotion is - frustration/anger/bitchineSS.
ReplyDeleteplus i have a deal with my older son, if I am mad mommy, he comes to give me a hug and says "we have a deal mom" and when he is crying or having a fit, I give him hugs and say "we have a deal, buddy". it works.
i know, i seem horrible
Doesn't seem horrible at all! Just matter of fact and I think that's what they need. I definitely think I need to take things away sooner. I always threaten to take things away and always follow through but sometimes now fast enough. Gah these little buggers! ;)
Deletefollow through sooner and you wont reach that irrational point. you will keep your cool. of course they will snap but if you are consistent, the fallout shrinks.
DeleteI have the most problems when they are tired and whining because i cant listen to that tone very long before i get worked up.
oh ya the whining kills me!
DeleteOh my god, that "deal" kills me --- soooo cute!! Thanks for posting this...one of the many things to consider when having multiple children (and so many benefits to it as well). Good reminders. SInce I am now back at work I try to remember that I only get so much time with my little guy before having to hand him over to daycare each day during the week...and that helps me make the most of my weekend / evening time with him.
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